It has been a little while since I have posted. My life have been busy with going to a group therapy session Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Wednesday afternoon I go to a private counselor session as well. Tomorrow I start some physical therapy to help with joint pain from my rheumatoid arthritis. Luckily it has not been too bad lately.
It is surprising to me when I go to my group sessions that the people there come from all age groups (19 and up, I think the oldest I have seen is about 75). Men, women, and from all races and backgrounds. Most of them if you met them on the street you would not know they had an addiction and also were suffering from Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, etc...Everyone there is at a different stage of recovery.
I still have severe anxiety right now. I have a lot of difficulty just leaving my home. I don't do well in large groups of people. I have very little ability to enjoy any things that I would have previously done such as reading, watching movies, etc... I watch TV but it is never anything serious or requiring a lot of thought. I do enjoy cooking while I am at home. I cry very easily and I have a lot of stomach problems right now. The doctors and therapists tell me that this is normal at this stage of recovery. I do not have physical cravings for any of the things I was addicted to which is nice, but I often miss the mind numbing that those things gave me and the ability to sleep. There is also something called Post Acute withdrawal symptoms that they say I could be "enjoying" for anywhere from 12 to 18 months after I stopped. A big symptom I am already having is very poor short term memory. I forget some of the simplest things. My long term memory is fine. Also, I have less coordination and sometimes have shaking in my hands as well as feelings of panic at times. Sleep is also affected. There are nights when I get absolutely NO sleep. Usually I get 4 hours of sleep at the most. I am unable to work right now. I have too many issues both mentally and physically to overcome. I have a hard time just doing simple tasks like laundry or simple housework.
I totally hope that if anyone reading this has ANY desire to try drugs or anything addicting that they STOP!!! The things I am going through are not worth the temporary calm those substances create.
My children have been very good about all of this. I have had others who have also given me their support (my sister, brother In law who gave me a blessing, my mother and so many friends who have written to me of their prayers and kind thoughts. I am very thankful for these people in my life. When something like this happens to you, you really find out who your friends really are and who you can lean of for support.
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